This article originally appeared on the British e-zine Nuts4chic, where I am the sex columnist. Since my new book Summer Heat: Steaming Stories For A Hot Summer Afternoon will be released very soon, it’s only fitting that I talk about the theme of one of my stories. “The Wandering Kat” is about an older woman lusting after a younger man. So, here is one article I have written about those older women, otherwise known as cougars.

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The Alluring Older Woman: The Appeal Of The Cougar

by Elizabeth Black

My name is Lizzie Black, and I want to be a cougar.

Cougars are all the rage in the dating world now. In case you’ve been living in a cave, a “cougar” is an older woman – most often in her late thirties and forties – who dates younger men but I think cougars are much more complex than that.

I met a cougar twenty years ago. Her name was Ardis, she was a professional hair artist for movies, she was in her forties, and she was gorgeous. I heard through the grapevine that she was dating a twenty-seven year old. I thought that was the coolest thing on earth.

I decided then and there that I wanted to be Ardis when I was in my forties. I decided to become a cougar - confident, sexually experienced and comfortable with my sexuality, attractive, knowledgeable about life, comfortable in my opinions, financially independent, and enjoying a career.

It was the confidence level that appealed to me; a sense of feeling comfortable in my own skin. While I have never dated younger men (I tend to gravitate to older men and I am happily married to a man eight years my senior), I liked the other attributes of the cougar. I wanted to be one.

The cougar is trendy today. Demi Moore is the most famous cougar out there today. Another famous example is Mrs. Robinson from the movie “The Graduate”. Cougars are treated in a much more positive fashion these days. Men attracted to them are tired of all the drama that comes with dating women their own age. A cougar knows what she wants, and she gets it. She’s very direct, and she doesn’t play games.

While the sexual “prey” aspect of the cougar is attractive, I think that there is much more to being a cougar than dating younger men. Cougars are not afraid of disagreeing with anyone or stating their opinion without feeling that they have to have approval, especially male approval. They are financially independent, or at the very least they are earning money doing something they love. They enjoy sex, and they like to experiment. They are intelligent, and they enjoy learning more about life. Cougars are in control. Poor self-esteem is not one of their problems. Cougars are comfortable being themselves, no matter what anyone else thinks.

I like all of that. That kind of attitude is refreshing.